Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
