She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize