How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
