Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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