She's JV to your varsity
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
