While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
