He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
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I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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