I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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