I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
