I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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