In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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