I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
