My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
