Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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