maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
