the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
