i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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