im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
