my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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