need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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