So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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