I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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