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I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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