I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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