it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
