just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
