saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We are two peas in an std pod
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
