I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
