with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
