Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My bed smells like the plague
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
