Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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