Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
