I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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