Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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