This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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