why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
