Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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