I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
