If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
whose parrot is this?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
