he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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