I cockslap morals
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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