but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
