Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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