he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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