Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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