singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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