I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
