youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
