lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
