We're facebook friends in real life
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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