Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
