nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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