Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
