Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
