I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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