I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
