Your dad touched me again.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
