Everything about him screamed your future.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
