hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
