Little spoons don't ask big questions
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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