So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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