i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
