Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
