we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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