you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
