Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
