Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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