I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
