some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
