so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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