There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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