you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
