You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Randomize
