A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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