Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
