Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
