Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
