Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
